Wednesday, July 6, 2011

No more nursing.

I've honestly been really torn about this decision. My initial goal was to go 6 months and to have a really good freezer supply to hopefully get Rebecca as close to a year as possible. Seth was great and bought me an upright freezer to store everything I pumped and I really think he was delusional when he said that there was no way that I was going to fill the freezer with just milk. June hit and the freezer was about 2/3 full and what made me really sad at that point was even after all the work I put into making sure that my body was still in overproduction and I was storing about 20oz a day on top of feeding Rebecca, I still only had enough to maybe get me 2 mos. I made the decision that at 4mos I would start to wean Rebecca to straight bottles. She did put up a fight even though she had been using a bottle on and off since she was a week old. Maybe she had an inkling of what was going on. Its been about a week now since I last nursed her and honestly I miss it. I miss the closeness. I miss the way she would hold onto my shirt. I don't miss being full or having to watch the clock needing to pump every 4hours. Maybe its the fact that I know that I will never have that with Rebecca or any child. Its the end of a part of my life. She will always need me to clothe her and to love her, but she will never again rely on just me to be fed.

To get the longest amount of time from my supply we have been supplementing with formula. She transitioned well to the 50/50 mix so I think we will be good until she is 7 or 8 months old and then she will be on straight formula. I should commend myself seeing how Aiden was switched to formula at 10wks and we essentially had to dump the little amount that I did freeze for him because it smelled funny.

I am sure there will be many more of these types of posts as things get packed up as Seth and I have decided that we will not be having anymore children. I think the maternal part of me is sad that I won't get to experience certain things again, but when I look around. I love my life. I think I have the perfect family and that is enough for me. I wouldn't change a thing.

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